h-a-t-e

These a**holes are all over my front porch. I HATE them. They make big, horrible webs on the windows, on the porch light, on the steps, on the stroller I leave outside overnight. This picture does not accurately show the awful disgustingness of them.

One of my (many insane) fears is that I'll be walking along, pushing G, wind blowing through my unwashed hair, and I'll look down and see my child encased in a web. Or, at the very least, with a large, gross, slimy spider on his head. What will I do? Will I be able to get it off? Will I be able to find a long stick quickly? Will I find the inner strength to use my hand? Or will I scream and run away, leaving him on a sidewalk, rolling downhill because I didn't think ahead to put the brakes on as I sprinted off?

(Quick side story - the other day, as I was cupping my hands to peer into the window of Restoration Hardware, salivating over an awesome chaise that I will never, ever be able to afford, I was alerted by a homeless man, who I'd just told I had no money ((totally true, btw)) that G was indeed rolling down a hill backwards in his stroller. I felt like I should have paid the guy something for his help, but again, I had nothing in my wallet.)

A occasionally uses the shop-vac to suck them up, but I get nervous that he might forget to empty it out before bringing it back inside. I mean, he might as well deliver a spider nest into my bed, you know? Do you see the anxiety these spiders bring into my life? And I do not need any more anxiety, thank you very much. Is there a way to get rid of them? Or just embrace them as part of our Halloween decor?